Jackie: I don't know how much my cat loves me, or how much she is hoping that I will give her a saltine.

Jackie: Just overheard a legitimate conversation along the lines of, "I don't think Jesus cares if I like your Facebook post. I know he loves me."

Maria: Is that why you only like my posts instead of commenting on them? Because you know Jesus loves you?

Jackie: Yes.

Jackie: Just saw Santa driving a green convertible around town. And that was not an autocorrect.