Maria: God. Who am I allowed to punch in the face?

Jackie: Everybody. Sometimes I think that is the only thing you can do.

Honestly this Conversation is Better without Context

Maria: I don't think I could ever give up attempting taxidermy while drunk.

Jackie: No of course not. That'd be too hard.

Maria: We went shooting today! I haven't killed anyone yet!

Jackie: I think that should be your #1 goal.

Jackie: I don't know how much my cat loves me, or how much she is hoping that I will give her a saltine.

Jackie: Just overheard a legitimate conversation along the lines of, "I don't think Jesus cares if I like your Facebook post. I know he loves me."

Maria: Is that why you only like my posts instead of commenting on them? Because you know Jesus loves you?

Jackie: Yes.

Jackie: Just saw Santa driving a green convertible around town. And that was not an autocorrect.

Maria: Watching Pokemon with the little brother. In this episode, a Poochyena won't evolve. He needs to be whipped.

Jackie: Yes!

Maria: "But everyone knows that evolving makes a Pokemon stronger!" This kid is our spirit animal.

later.

Maria: HE FINALLY EVOLVED. No thanks to Ash's sabotage.

Jackie: Good for Poochyena, the little bitch. :P