Maria: So you're telling me that my classy new apartment does not need Disney princess pillow cases?

Jackie: It would just not match the colors :(

Maria: Too true :( All that pink and powder blue...

(Discussing a new young adult novel that is a lesbian, contemporary re-telling of The Great Gatsby and in which Jackie's real name is a titular character)

Maria: Don't be too worried. Be worried that it appears as though my subconscious willed this book into existence. We're in for some fucked up things, yo. More fucked up than lesbian Gatsby. 

Maria: There is a rubber duck in my trashcan and I swear I am not making this up

Jackie: But why?

Maria: I don't even know :(

Maria: Remember that all the interviewee's answers to your questions should contain the use of a tranquilizer gun.

Jackie: But of course!

Maria: Why don't we call a group of kangaroos a "kangacrew?"

Jackie: Let's start the trend.

Maria: We've all got bruises <3 In my case I have one on my upper thigh that I *think* I got from running into a table.

Jackie: Little Sister found bruises that she had no idea where they came from. Then I tried to create a bruise on my leg by poking it over and over. It didn't work.

Maria: I don't even know what to say about that. Why did you try to create a bruise? Was it so that Train's song could relate to you? Should we try to become mermaids next? Where is the sea witch when you need her?!

Maria: Got stuck driving behind the orange trolley. Hell.

Maria: You literally missed waving to me as our cars passed each other because you were texting me :P I was texting you "stop texting and wave at me!" when I got your message lol.

Maria: Five dollar bag day at the thrift shop means I bought more Sweet Valley High books. But also chairs!

Maria: I have a problem.

Jackie: You have so many problems :P

Maria: Thank you, dear best friend of mine. And after I so courteously bought you new mugs!

Maria: I didn't realize how tipsy I was until I couldn't open the bathroom door

Jackie: I think when you are unable to open doors you would call that drunk

Maria: I pulled when I should have pushed :(

Maria: So, I just forgot which lever works my turn signals so I maybe just turned on my windshield wipers.

Maria: I think the pants I'm wearing are bad luck, btw. Unlucky and lucky pieces of clothing are totally a thing.

Jackie: Yes. Yes they are. You need to give them away. Bad luck for one is good luck for another.

Maria: I like how emphatically you responded and you don't even know what pants I'm wearing!

Jackie: Well no matter how good they might look on you they are bad luck.

Maria: I'm a bit concerned you think I'm talking about my yoga pants. I WILL NEVER GIVE THEM UP.

Jackie: You are welcome to give those away at any time too. Or burn them. But as long as you never get floral print jeans it will be okay.

Maria: Haha, I saw a GORGEOUS pair of printed jeans on vacation! On a person. "I will give you ten dollars for your pants!" I really wanted to say. I resisted. But my heart cried.

Maria: THERE IS A MOTH IN MY BEDROOM AND I THINK I AM GOING TO DIE

Jackie: Did you know that the Chinese, as a culture, are afraid of moths?